Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
