nut hugger
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
