just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
