glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
