Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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