If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You pole danced in your parka.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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