Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
