you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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