She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
