Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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