If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
