There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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