I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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