I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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