You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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