i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
