I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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