pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
