She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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