There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
