I think scott just propositioned me for sex
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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