If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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