Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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