im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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