Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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