My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
