i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
