Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
