when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
