I hate your face
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
