yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
