I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize