Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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