operation harelip BJ is a go
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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