dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
