Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
