Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize