kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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