There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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