I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
