Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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