I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
