You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
