Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
