would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
