We got so high we made milksteak
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
