Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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