Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
