i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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