Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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