If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
