he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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