i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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