I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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