shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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