just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
