Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
