I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
