If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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