i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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