drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
