So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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