I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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