Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
