i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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