seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
