The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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