you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
