I'm passing your future prison.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Someone signed my nipple.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
