I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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