Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
