So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Pants are for mortals
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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