You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
