just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
